Does This Hurt?
by MizukoMidori
Summary: Zidane has a good life finally. But what happens when people start to get curious about his tail. Reviews are greaty appreciaited. Whether you hated it or not.


Does This Hurt?  
  
By Rachel  
  
A/N: This is a story that first occurred to me awhile a go. It is was originally meant to be longer, but I lost my original copy, and couldn't remember it, so I redid it, and this is the result. Warning there is no main plot. This is pointless humor that occurred t me while watching Zidane slide down the Iifa Tree to save Kuja. Review please and tell me whether I have the ability to be funny or not.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own final fantasy IX. If I did Zidane would get his tail pulled.  
  
Zidane leaned back in his chair and sighed contently. Times had been good. Garnet was a great queen, all his friends were living near if not in Alexandria, and he was with Garnet. His Dagger.  
  
He got up and left the pub. Some kids were outside playing, and he smiled at him. They went up to him.  
  
"Hi Mr. Zidane!" They chorused.  
  
"Hi. And what would you three be up too?"  
  
"Nothing" said the only girl of the group.  
  
While she distracted him, one of the boys moved behind Zidane. He licked his lips and approached the flickering tail cautiously. Slowly he reached out and tugged on it.  
  
"Ow!"  
  
Zidane whirled around reaching for his dagger, but stopped himself from actually pulling it out. He glared at the boy who pulled his tail. The kids giggled. He sighed. He couldn't very well yell at them. So he just turned around and headed back up to the castle.  
  
"Good evening Zidane. How are you this fine evening?" Beatirx asked.  
  
"I'm good. A couple of kids pulled my tail, but not very hard. Kids, no strength."  
  
"I'm sorry. Did it hurt?"  
  
"Yeah a little. Like I said though, no strength."  
  
Beatrix smiled as she opened the door to the palace for him. As he walked in his tail flicked past her. She had the sudden urge to reach out and grab it. And so she lifted her hand and reached up and grabbed the honey-colored tail. Only, when she grabbed it he had kept walking and he ended up flat on his face.  
  
"Ow! Ow! Ow! Owie. Why would you do that?"  
  
"Sorry I just had the sudden impulse to grab it."  
  
"Well you can let go now," she released his tail, "Thank you."  
  
He got up and dusted himself off. He took his tail in his hands and marched on down the hallway. He planned on complaining to Garnet about these new events.  
  
"Dagger you in here?" He asked poking his head in the room.  
  
"Yes Zidane."  
  
He saw her, as usual, in one of her lovely gowns. This one was a golden color and her once again long hair hung loosely over her shoulders. Zidane smiled. She was his goddess.  
  
"Watcha up too?" he asked coming in.  
  
"I'm reading comments people have sent me to help make this a better place to live."  
  
"Have I ever told you you're the best queen ever." He gave her a peck on the cheek.  
  
"Numerous time, Sweetie. How was your day?"  
  
"It was great. All up until the point where a few kids and then Beatrix decided to my beautiful tail."  
  
"Awww. You poor thing. I love your tail. It's so useful in more ways then one. Although, I always have wondered. Does this hurt?"  
  
His tail which she had been stroking fondly, like a cat, was suddenly yanked on real hard by her.  
  
"The hell Dag!"  
  
She giggled.  
  
"It wasn't funny. That hurts. I would've thought you of all people would understand." He whimpered.  
  
"I'm so sorry sweetie, but I had to know. It's been bothering me for ages."  
  
"And you decided to test that today?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Whatever. I'm going to. I don't know, visit Cid."  
  
"Okay. Say hi to Eiko for me."  
  
Zidane walked out of Alexandria, pouting. His day had taken a major turn for the worse.  
  
He took an air ship to Lindblum.  
  
"Zidane! Zidane! Zidane! Zidane!"  
  
Zidane groaned. With this strange tail fever going around this person was the most likely candidate to catch it. Eiko Carol, adopted daughter of Regent Cid. He slowly started to back away.  
  
"Hello Eiko. I just came for a visit."  
  
"So visit me!" She glomped him from the front and tugged hard on his tail. So much for kids with no strength.  
  
"Mother of all Terra! I am leaving! NOW!"  
  
He stormed into the airship and took off, crashing through the gates. What was everyone's problem? He decided to where no one was, but one person lived. The Iifa Tree.  
  
He stepped out of the airship and made his way to the house nestled within the now settled roots. He knocked on the door and waited for it to open. He knew he would be safe here.  
  
"Why Zidane, what a surprise." Kuja greeted, a. delighted, unsettling (to Zidane) smile on his face.  
  
"Hey Kuja, got while?"  
  
"Sure. Come in, come in."  
  
Zidane walked past him into the house. As he was going by, Kuja pulled lightly on his tail with a laugh.  
  
"NO! Not you too! NO! NO! NO!"  
  
Kuja burst into insane, maniacal laughter, while Zidane had a total mental breakdown.  
  
"I'm just pulling on your tail bro. Get it.. Pulling on your. Tail." More laughter. Zidane didn't find it funny.  
  
"Don't worry about it. I cast an urge spell. I gave everyone the urge to pull your tail."  
  
Zidane looked up at him. "Why? Why, why, why, why? Why would you do such a thing.!"  
  
Kuja thought for a moment. "Fun?" he answered like it was a question.  
  
"Well undo it!"  
  
"Fine. Fine. It's undone. No one will pull your tail." He snapped his fingers.  
  
Zidane hugged him tightly and immediately went back home.  
  
"Honey, what are you doing?" Garnet called later that night.  
  
"Brushing my tail. It got ruffled earlier."  
  
It was funny. After Kuja removed the spell, no one remembered pulling his tail except for him and Kuja.  
  
"Do you want me to brush it for you?" Garnet called seductively.  
  
"Do I!"  
  
He ran out of the bathroom and jumped in bed beside her. He leaned in and kissed her as Steiner turned out the light and rather hurredly left the room.  
  
THE END.  
  
A/N: Okay. How was that. Pointless? That was obvouis.  
  
Zidane: Why would you put me through that torture?!  
  
Because, it was fun. Besides the people enjoyed it. Hey Zidane?  
  
Zidane: What?  
  
Does this hurt? ~Pulls his tail~  
  
Zidane: ~collapses into a caterwalling scrap of humanity~  
  
Heh Heh. Please tell me what you think. ~Rachel 


End file.
